Monday, April 20, 2009

Crank: High Voltage

Jason Statham is back as the psychotic Chev Chelios whose schitzophrenia seems to have progressed. I thought they would do a prequel since he died at the end of the Crank. But I was wrong because he did not die. Chelios was instantly picked up by the Chinese Triads and hauled off to a makeshift medical transportation ward. His heart was taken out and was replaced by a plastic and artificial heart.

Apparently Chelios was lying in this hidden rat trap hospital for about 3 months. They were going to carve up Chelios's body. The first thing they took was his heart and they gave it the leader of the triads. A 100 year old man with a long grey beard. This is explained later on in the movie since Chelios spends half the movie chasing this younger Chinese guy around who is carrying a small cooler. But it is revealed later on in the movie that Chelios's heart is not in this cooler but something else. It was not shown.

This movie was not as good as the first just because this movie was so out of control it could not be taken serious. Chelios is shot at by about 500 rounds and is never hit. There is multiple shooting scenes and Chelios walks away unscathed and even survives a shootout in a limo with several Chinese assailants. I can not understand what the point man, the strong man, the Chinese maid man says here when he informs Chelios he is not there to help him. Chelios asks, in rhetorical manner, something like so that is the way it is going to be? I am not sure what the Chinese mafia boss says here.

Crank brought us Chelios running around with a powerful poison in his body. This new alteration brings us with Chelios having to charge his heart so it keeps beating. The artificial heart is only designed to survive for a few days and is not proven to withstand a lot of stress and strenuous activity. Chelios, that is all he knows. So he the movie is entertaining in that it has Chelios recharging his heart in all sort of fashions. Any where from using a car's battery cables and the battery, with one the cables grabbing onto his tongue to a dog electronic device.

It is ridiculous when he beats up a bunch of police officers. One would have just shot him, Chelios never wears body armor. The slutty Amy Smart is Eve again and she is as skinny as usual. She gets rocked by Chelios in front of everyone at the Long Beach horse race stadium. Right there as the horses race by, that is hilarious. But the funniest part in a movie that I have seen in about 9 months was when Chelios was at the horse race and his discredited but very knowledgeable doctor told him any skin contact can transfer live saving electrons to him. So Chelios walks up to this guy who is sleeveless and begins to rub his arm against his. That was hilarious. The guy is like, "what are you doing?" Chelios does this twice before the man flips out and Chelios blames it on him. This leads to Chelios having public intercourse with his girlfriend who followed him to the race.

The movie brings back some familiar faces. Chelios's arch nemesis Verona played by Jose Pablo Cantillo is shown in the end with his head in a water tank with tentacles attached so he can communicate through a television and speaker system. He thinks the words and his voice comes alive. He wants to see Chelios die. This ending and wish is interupted when Efren Ramirez appears who plays the goofy friend of Chelios. Venus is his name and he is the brother of Chelios's gay friend from the original. They look just the same. He has a bizaare and violent disorder that erupts at the worse times. But his vengeance is earned at the end when the ultimate and strange villian-El Huron-is vanquished. Clifton Collins Jr. is the actor here and he has been in movies longer than Statham has.

The movie had the action, the naked girls, the violence, and lived up to the hype. The problem is that not much was explained but not much had to since the plot was pretty simple. Like the first one. The villians were scary and were probably real life dark spots on the community. It was a short movie, the dialogue was child like throughout most of it. The Vietnamese whore was just over the top. Her character was about as fictional as Harry Potter. There are a lot of weapons in LA since it is a haven for losers and a sanctionary city too boot. The movie is designed for the brain dead people of society, the video game freaks who needs that non stop action to sooth their addiction. The first movie was more credible all around. When Statham was fighting the Chinese guy and they turned into a Japanese Godzilla segment, I started to think of Southpark or something.

It was over the top. I would give it one star but I liked the idea of him having a short time to live. The heart situation was inventive and prolific. It will probably last 2 weeks in the theatres. The grotesque nature will push many normal Statham fans away.

I give this movie two stars.**

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