The Twilight Saga: New Moon

This is a sequel to the ridiculous original. I especially like the part where a vampire ran from Washington St. to Phoenix. Where is Blade when you need him. These movies are designed for teenagers, unlike the Supreme Underwold movies. But Underworld III was a massive disapointment. But no one in Twilight can match Kate Beckinsale or her character in those vampire movies.

Kristen Stewart returns as vampire lover Bella Swan. She is cute and madly in love. She was raised without faith so selling her soul is not that big of deal. She is in love with make up boy Edward Cullen. Robert Pattinson plays make up boy. I believe he wears so much make up for sun protection. But apparently none of the other students at the high school say anything about this.

This movie is a love triangle. Bella loves make up boy and is spending a lot of time thinking about him. Then Jacob Black enters the fray. Where he comes from I am not sure. He is Indian, which tribe, the movie shines away from that information. Jake is played by Taylor Lautner. Jake knows Bella from the area and has been attending another school. Jake is a couple of years younger than Bella.

Bella's life falls apart when make up boy decides to run for the hills. He thinks hanging out with Bella puts her into an unsafe position. She is unhealthily depressed in the fall and into the winter. Her nightmares are intense. Her father, Charlie Swan, played by Billy Burke wants to ship her off to Jacksonville to hang out with her mother. Not a bad idea. He should have forced the deal or intervened before she fell head over heels with make up boy. She sits alone like a weirdo during lunch, in the cafeteria. She is wasting her senior year.

Jake gave her a symbol which prevents her from having a bad dreams. It does not work well since when make up boy is out of the picture her nightmares are violent and loud. This is when we first see them together in the first third of the movie, when she accepts this gift. The middle third is the Jake time. That is what I have dubbed it.

Bella acquires some beat up motor bikes and her and Jake spend about a month fixing them up. Jake seems to be pretty crafty with tools and his mechanical prowess is amazing. Who bought the new parts is not mentioned. Neither of them are flush with cash it seems. Why he does not play football or any other team sport is bewilderding. Perhaps his grades are not above the 2.0 threshold. Moving forward, after fixing the bikes they take them to a flat area to ride them. Neither of them are bright enough to buy a helmet. This is the point in the movie where Bella is going through a strange state of mind. She seems to want to test her limits, challenge her fears and become a borderline daredevil. Her friend warns her of this dangerous and risky behavior. Bella is just bizaare, someone who can not control her emotions.

Jake and her are moving forward and she begins to fall for Jake. But then Jake departs from the scene. Again, Bella is destraught. Here we go again. It is revealed soon that Jake can turn into a wolf, along with 3 of his native American buddies. It is insinuated that they turn him into a wolf. These wolves protect the northwest population from the vampires. Jake and his boys are not wherewolves, but just giant wolves. Even so, they are just as powerful as any wherewolf Hollywood has produced, besides the cartoon one in the udicrous Van Helsing film. In Twilight, they have the strength of a lion or beyond, the speed of a NASCAR race car, the nocturnal sense of their observable kind, the scent of X-Men's Wolverine or a bloodhound, and have apparently worked out a truce with the vampires. The vampires know they are always being scrutinized by the wolves. Where the wolves were in the first film is beyond me. Perhaps working in an Indian Casino on the reservation.

Ashley Greene was the hottest in the film. She should have been showed more. She is make up boy's brother. She plays Alice Cullen. Alice and Bella link up. So now it is about February. Ashley is amazing, she should have been in more parts. Oh, I said this already. Bella is cute and that is about it. Alice informs Bella that make up boy is in Italy and is depressed. Apparently the vampire order has their headquarters in the vicinity of the pope. Jake tries to prevent Bella from leaving but Bella still has ridiculous feelings for make up boy. Make up boy is thinking of jumping into the sunlight it seems. The plane ticket to Italy must have been paid for by Alice.

Bella arrives at the vampire castle or lair to save make up boy from trying to get a tan. The vampire leadership tries to persuade make up boy from trying to get a sun tan without using sunblock. OK, Bella arrives, but the presiders of this order want to speak to her and make up boy. This discussion turns violent since they decide to eliminate Bella for knowing too much. Make up boy attempts to defend her. Somehow, they all return to the Northeast. This was the climax. It was terrible. There was still 15 minutes left in the movie and this involved some talking and walking. The final scene, make up boy proposes to Bella since if he bites her that would violate the standing trust. Wow, this was a massive calamity. This entire movie was a miscalculation. The screenplay was unimpressive, the movie was just uneventful. It was not exciting and the climax was a blip in most other movies.

I was hoping that Blade would come and slay these vampires to end this agony. This movie just shoots itself in the foot. It does show the emotional instability of teenage girls though. I am not sure if this should be broadcasted though.

I can not say the original was better since that was hilarious as well. This movie did have some vampires with some wicked red eyes though. How they walk around in pulic with those is another question. These movies are designed for the female teenager. This movie had scene after scene with a bare chested male. For males, looking at Bella was similiar to looking at some guy bare chested, Stewart is nothing to stop traffic over.

The musical score was weak. The plot was deplorable. The writing was miserable. It was still better than Nicolas Cage's Wicker Man though.

I allocate this movie one star.*