Zombieland

This was a movie that may last two weeks in the theatres, but that could be a long shot. It was entertaining but the storyline was written by a third grader. This movie is about as deep as a a child's portable swimming pool. Apparently, zombies or deranged people that have been taken over by the urge to eat other people. This movie, unlike the amazing 28 Days Later and Weeks Later series, does not explain how this terrible event came from. It does not explain whether or not the entire world is inflicted or just north America. Whatever, these reasons are why movie can not ever rate above average. It is a joke from the beginning. I was not expecting anything less.

Jesse Eisenberg is Columbus. That is not his real name that is just where he wanted to go. Tallahassee, played by Woody Harrelson, has seen alot of loved ones bite the dust and knowing someone on a first name basis is just out of the question for him. Columbus never reaches Columbus, neither does Tallahassee reach...I am sure you can guess.

The cute Emma Stone is Wichita. She and her sister have been lying and stealing for a few years now, they need to attend confession. There background is questionable but this immorality is also implemented in the post civilized world. They cajole the two men and take off with their weapons and truck. Why they could not get their own car when they are all over the place is beyond me. They are driving all over the country but they are never shown pumping gas.

Abigail Breslin plays Little Rock who is Wichita's little sister. She keeps her sister straight and narrow, especially from falling for any male. Why they think that will hurt them is beyond me. They have gotten this far but ofcourse this is completely fiction. How long they were just sitting in the back of a grocery store waiting for some normal humans to arrive is beyond me. That is just nonsensical, when they may have had only one weapon and there was three massive zombies roaming around. They would have had to kill them or die themselves if they wanted to just hang out in the store. It does not make any sense, OK, this picture has been painted.

Tallahassee does have a wonderful time killing zombies though. He kills them in all sorts of ways but he chooses not to run them over when they are just sitting in the middle of the road way. Another head scratcher. Does he not want to put in a slight dent in his black SUV? He has a snow plow on the front. Is he going to present this SUV in a make believe car show?

Hollywood has produced many hotties. One of the hottest that I can think of is Amber Heard. Her appearance is nothing short of outstanding. Kirst Dunst should never be in a leading role again if someone like Amber is sitting on the sidelines. Though it would not surprise me since the skinny and unnattractive and anti-American Gwyneth Paltrow has tried her best to ruin the wonderful Iron Man series.

Amber is 406 and is so hot, she is still hot even when she is a zombie. I would let her fall asleep on my shoulder on the couch. Columbus was forced to do the inevitable though which is called the double tap.

The two girls and boys make their way west. The two girls want to get to an amusement park. Now this is laughable since they should know by now that lights and noise would only attract scores of zombies which it does. Any they say they only care about surviving, what? They only have to wait about a few more weeks and these zombies would die because of dehydration. Another aspect this movie skirts by.

Tallahassee takes them on a fascinating detour to Bill Murray's house. I wonder if that is his real house. The famous comedian plays himself and he is hiding out in his mansion but he resembles a zombie. He is ugly. He says this is a disguise, zombies never attack each other. Asinine, since they would sense his smell and know he has not transformed yet. But this movie is just silly. Columbus does not know it is a disguise and he shoots Bill Murray in his home with a shotgun round.

These two girls leave these boys and head off to an amusement park. Wichita rejects the overtures of Columbus and says she and her sister only care about survival. Yet, they head to an amusepark, power it up, which attracks every wandering zombie in a 10 square mile region. They are both saved by the men while they trap themselves on the top of a working pneumatic bouncing ride. This machine bounces them up and down while the zombies are clamoring to grab a hold of them.

All four of them survive and are headed off to Mexico. This movie has a few funny scenes but the musical score is absent. It is not long, it is just a goofball movie. Woody does have a kick shooting these beasts imposed as tore up humans.

I allocate this movie one star.*