Friday, July 17, 2009

I Love You, Beth Cooper

This fool Paul Rust who plays Denis Cooverman gives the most awful High School Velectorian speech ever. It was in poor taste, it was elementary and in reality he probably would have been stopped after the first few ridiculous statements and awkward moments. Naming someone and speaking controversial about them in front of everyone is certainly a no no. He would humiliated himself but this is fiction. Only one the teachers spoke to him about his disgusting speech which was in poor taste afterwards. But this is pure fantasy.

Hayden Panettiere is the gorgeous Beth Cooper. She has come along way from Remember the Titans. Too bad the show Heroes is a copy of vampire movies and many others. It is no Lost.

Denis actually speaks to Beth after the speech as she takes her gown off and displays her plump figure. Which in this day and age since total thinness is what is usually shown on the screen in this era. Denis hastily invites Beth to his make believe party that night. It is unlikely for her to show but this is the plot of the movie.

The army man has the hot girl in this movie. Too bad he is willing to toss it all a way in this preposterous film. Beth's boyfriend is Sgt. Slaughter and he drives a hummer. Most ROTC folks in High School do not have the money to afford a hummer. This movie is total fantasy. But I guess they wanted to get rid of the typical football storyline. Whatever.

Beth and two cute girlfriends of her arrive at his home. Apparently, this High School does not have any designated graduation party for the students. When the three girls are about to leave this dead home, Beth's deranged boyfriend appears in his magnificent ride with two of his want a be special forces comrades. Denis totally made a fool of himself along with his friend at his home. They allowed the girls to find the strip of condoms Denis's father left for him. Bizaare.

Beth's boyfriend tracks her down at drives on Denis's lawn in complete violation of any decency standards. He is a bully who does not belong in anyone's military, perhaps Russia's. He is not a leader and an emotional idiot.

This buff dummy pursues Denis and gains entry. Why the police are not called is something Hollywood could answer. The five of them escape with the three terminators trying to run them down and tackle the car. Unbelievable. This only pushes the girls further away.

Jack Carpenter plays Rich Munsch. I know you never heard of him, Hayden is the only star in this movie. Rich says he is not gay but says some strange things that could be construed as gay. He denies this but it is borderline. Rich does end up walking with the two girls as they leave Beth and Denis alone. The movie is dull and void of any imagination. Until the three girls and two dorks drive drive off and see a parked car with Denis's parents getting out. Why they do this like they are 18 is beyond me. The chances of Denis seeing this is by far remote and why he admits to the people in the car who that is is fundamentally shocking. He should have just urged Beth to drive off or turn around.

The movie does mix in some music but the sound score is weak. I would not buy any of those songs. School is out for the summer has been used before. Dazed and Confused most notably and that movie blew this one out of the water.

What does Denis think is going to happen when he calls this punk out in front of everyone earlier in the day?

The five of them eventually end up at a party and the so called army joes meet up with them their. Beth steals her psychotic boyfriends car and breaks up the violence by crashing it into the living room serving as a dance floor. The football coach and/or top P/E teacher proves his disastrous role model leadership by allowing Beth's boyfriend to cream Denis. Some large fat boy defends Denis and fights off the attackers in a comical brawl. The lead army boy does display a solid round house kick though.

Denis proves his geekness time and time again. Rich demonstrates his cheerleading skills which impresses the two tag along friends. He finally kisses Beth at the end in this redundant storyline movie. Denis's speech, at the outset, appeared so fake I knew the movie was going to amount to nothing. It was a calamity and the plot was a black hole devouring any inkling of excitement.

I allocate this movie no stars.

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